I mean it flat out sucks. I believe in God and I’m a Christian and all that, but that doesn’t mean I like God everyday or don’t have questions. Some days I don’t even want to talk to God, let alone workout his plan for my life.

If I’m honest, I don’t really feel like following God every day. Most days I would like to follow my own plan and see where that gets me. I’ve followed him for years, and bad stuff still happens. I mean seriously. Remember that time my wife died???

I mean really, what plan? What plan could be so great that it included me unexpectedly losing my first wife and having to tell my three kids “Sorry, mommy is never coming home.” And that’s just a personal struggle I’ve been dealing with for the past few years. I haven’t even touched bad things that are happening in the world…

If I’m honest, I’m over it most days. I want, what I want and I would like to have it now please. I get it, I get it. This is the part when all the Christians say “Josh, His thoughts and ways are higher and different than yours.” Thanks for the encouragement. I could have found that verse on my own. Probably could have googled “mad at God today”.

I think it’s probably about time we stop quoting bible verses when we don’t know what to say. I realize that God’s word is powerful, but so is listening to how someone really feels… Not everyone needs a “challenge”. Sometimes they just want to know someone cares.

All things said, I’m just glad God loves me unconditionally, even on that days that I’m struggling to love him, like him, or even talk to him. And for the record, I have followed my own plan at points in my life, and it never worked out. All my plans eventually lead back to his plans, because, once again, he loves me. As frustrated as I’ve been with God, and as frustrated as I am today, I can confirm one thing. He has never abandoned me.

2 thoughts on “Remember that time my wife died???

  1. So true Josh, so many times well meaning christians can hurt more than help. He made us with all our emotions so its normal and even ok to recognize our pain and anger. I know Ashley looks down and is SO incredibly proud of how you walked this out with your kids. You have taught them more than you know how to keep going when nothing makes sense. You have shown Riley and Addi to find a man who will stand his ground and fight for his family. You have shown Jackson how to be the best christian man even when making mistakes along the way. I know shes smiling and saying well done Josh! I know I would be.

    Liked by 1 person

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